On Pride Month
Disclaimer: This post is very opinionated and very gay, because I have some opinions as well as my own stories that I am sharing as a response to Dan Howell's coming out video. I'd like you to read what I have to say, but if all this makes you think of is posting hate comments or general negativity towards me or LGBTQ people, you don't have to read. I won't force you.
Now that we have that out of the way, it's time for the actual post.
"Queer people exist. Choosing not to accept them is not an option." - Dan Howell, 2019
If you follow Dan and Phil, or me on any of my other social media, you would know that Dan came out as queer on Thursday. I watched the video as soon as I got the notification, and I cried through the whole thing. My heart hurt so much afterwards.
He didn't just talk about his sexuality. He really put his whole life story out there as backup, and I know it’s weird to say, but I’m so proud of him. Dan is a person that I really admire. Learning that we have this in common, an experience that shaped me so much, makes me admire him even more.
He went through being bullied in school and hating who he was to a place where he could stand in front of a camera and tell the world about his story. That's quite a journey.
Now before you go and watch his video, make sure you read the description first, and I will issue some content warnings as well. The video contains discussion of homophobia, depression, bullying, suicide, mentions of sex, swearing and possibly other things. If any of those things anger or trigger you (and here I use "trigger" to mean causing symptoms or episodes of mental illness), maybe it's not the video for you. If you "personally disagree" with queer people I would really like you to watch it.
Side note, it's 45 minutes long. Do with that information what you will.
Link
I came out a year ago.
Not to the day. Actually, it was last March. But it feels like an eternity ago because of how far I've come mentally. 2018 and 2019 have been very rocky for me, but I think that those rocks might all be part of the same mountain. On that mountain, though, there have been so many good parts that I think it's been worth it.
I don't call myself bisexual anymore. I realized that lesbian, while not perfect, suits me a lot better. Nothing has actually changed besides the label. I know I worry too much about labels, but without one I feel lost and anxious. I've started several posts about changing my label because internally, it's a pretty big deal. I never posted any of them because I realized that it didn't matter so much to the rest of the world. This is why I have wondered "am I a lesbian?" since the moment I realized I liked girls, and then came out as bisexual anyway. I could go into all the details about the 0.1% of me that sees a guy and once or twice a year thinks, "okay, he's vaguely attractive." I could. But being a lesbian makes me happy, and that's what matters.
Labels are something Dan mentioned in his video. People need language and labels to understand things. Humans aren't well suited to vagueness. I'll be honest, I don't like the label queer very much for that reason. What does it mean? That's the point of it. It's not my label, anyway, so I don't get a say in it. I absolutely love and support the people who use this label.
The next big thing from the video is homophobia, oh boy. I could make an entire post ranting about homophobia. Hopefully nothing will ever anger me to that point, but I could.
When the boy sitting behind me in driver's ed jokingly calls his friend a f** as an insult every fifteen freaking minutes, it feels like a punch in the gut. Every. single. time.
He deserves a punch in the nose. It would be me if I had the guts.
Crap like this is the reason people are afraid to come out. It makes people hate themselves and wish they were anything but gay. I knew this before, but Dan's story really made me feel it on another level.
Even a good friend from school has used gay to describe something she disliked, and that hurt. If she's reading this, hi, I love you, please don't ever say that again. Regardless of whether or not you meant offense to gay people, it's offensive. Why do you think that gay means 'bad' in the first place? Yeah.
Stories like Dan's are why we celebrate Pride. We are here for the LGBTQ people who have been bullied and beaten up and arrested and murdered, and those who took their own lives to escape. Pride month can be great for dressing up in rainbows and going to Pride and celebrating with friends. That's not wrong in the slightest. But don't forget that people are still afraid to come out for fear of losing their friends and family. Conversion therapy is still legal in most of the U.S. People still boycott things for daring to support LGBTQ people, a group of people who mostly want to safely exist. You don't get to say if we are correct or not. We are here and we are not going away.
That got serious very quickly. To summarize, I'm gay, I love Dan Howell so very much, and please be kind to the gays this month and always.
Now that we have that out of the way, it's time for the actual post.
"Queer people exist. Choosing not to accept them is not an option." - Dan Howell, 2019
If you follow Dan and Phil, or me on any of my other social media, you would know that Dan came out as queer on Thursday. I watched the video as soon as I got the notification, and I cried through the whole thing. My heart hurt so much afterwards.
He didn't just talk about his sexuality. He really put his whole life story out there as backup, and I know it’s weird to say, but I’m so proud of him. Dan is a person that I really admire. Learning that we have this in common, an experience that shaped me so much, makes me admire him even more.
He went through being bullied in school and hating who he was to a place where he could stand in front of a camera and tell the world about his story. That's quite a journey.
Now before you go and watch his video, make sure you read the description first, and I will issue some content warnings as well. The video contains discussion of homophobia, depression, bullying, suicide, mentions of sex, swearing and possibly other things. If any of those things anger or trigger you (and here I use "trigger" to mean causing symptoms or episodes of mental illness), maybe it's not the video for you. If you "personally disagree" with queer people I would really like you to watch it.
Side note, it's 45 minutes long. Do with that information what you will.
Link
I came out a year ago.
Not to the day. Actually, it was last March. But it feels like an eternity ago because of how far I've come mentally. 2018 and 2019 have been very rocky for me, but I think that those rocks might all be part of the same mountain. On that mountain, though, there have been so many good parts that I think it's been worth it.
I don't call myself bisexual anymore. I realized that lesbian, while not perfect, suits me a lot better. Nothing has actually changed besides the label. I know I worry too much about labels, but without one I feel lost and anxious. I've started several posts about changing my label because internally, it's a pretty big deal. I never posted any of them because I realized that it didn't matter so much to the rest of the world. This is why I have wondered "am I a lesbian?" since the moment I realized I liked girls, and then came out as bisexual anyway. I could go into all the details about the 0.1% of me that sees a guy and once or twice a year thinks, "okay, he's vaguely attractive." I could. But being a lesbian makes me happy, and that's what matters.
Labels are something Dan mentioned in his video. People need language and labels to understand things. Humans aren't well suited to vagueness. I'll be honest, I don't like the label queer very much for that reason. What does it mean? That's the point of it. It's not my label, anyway, so I don't get a say in it. I absolutely love and support the people who use this label.
The next big thing from the video is homophobia, oh boy. I could make an entire post ranting about homophobia. Hopefully nothing will ever anger me to that point, but I could.
When the boy sitting behind me in driver's ed jokingly calls his friend a f** as an insult every fifteen freaking minutes, it feels like a punch in the gut. Every. single. time.
He deserves a punch in the nose. It would be me if I had the guts.
Crap like this is the reason people are afraid to come out. It makes people hate themselves and wish they were anything but gay. I knew this before, but Dan's story really made me feel it on another level.
Even a good friend from school has used gay to describe something she disliked, and that hurt. If she's reading this, hi, I love you, please don't ever say that again. Regardless of whether or not you meant offense to gay people, it's offensive. Why do you think that gay means 'bad' in the first place? Yeah.
Stories like Dan's are why we celebrate Pride. We are here for the LGBTQ people who have been bullied and beaten up and arrested and murdered, and those who took their own lives to escape. Pride month can be great for dressing up in rainbows and going to Pride and celebrating with friends. That's not wrong in the slightest. But don't forget that people are still afraid to come out for fear of losing their friends and family. Conversion therapy is still legal in most of the U.S. People still boycott things for daring to support LGBTQ people, a group of people who mostly want to safely exist. You don't get to say if we are correct or not. We are here and we are not going away.
That got serious very quickly. To summarize, I'm gay, I love Dan Howell so very much, and please be kind to the gays this month and always.
as i read through this my thoughts are thus: I think we all have a choice on what or what not to do. Even if someone thinks that if someone wants to change they can . but only if they want to. From personal experience I can say that having sexual emotions that are different is really hard to fight off. Showing love and kindness to someone who is lgbtq+ is the best thing to do, cause it pisses me off to see folks think that they are able to change people. People can't change people. That's the way I see things. Everyone deserves to be cared bout and not treated horribly, no matter who they are. only person who's able to change anybody is God, so people trying to play god, ain't ok. And conversation therapy is HORRIBLE, it is horrible and don't help anyone. I'll always, be kind to gays. Can't stand hate.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate this, and you're right. You can't change another person, you can only change yourself.
DeleteThank you for reading.
You are welcome Lanie.
DeleteKudos on being yourself, on your bravery, on speaking out, and on fighting the good fight. With respect to the travails and needs for coming out as a lesbian, After Ellen just published a post titled The Internet's Shameful Lesbophobia Problem.
ReplyDeleteThe world needs more people like you. Virtual hugs - you are fabulous!!!!!!
https://full-brief-panties.blogspot.com/2018/10/last-minute-halloween-excuse-post-with.html